We had pleasant times to say farewell to friends unlike the time when I left for the Philippines in 1979 when only my families and closest friend were informed about my trip to the Netherlands. I will cherish all the moments. I realized how precious friends are.
I arrived in the Netherlands thirty years ago to study at the Institute of Social Studies in The Hague. I did not have inkling that the 8-months study is just the prelude to a long stop over. To make the story short, The Netherlands became my second home and where I lived intensely both on the personal and professional level. I consider my 30 years stay in the Netherlands a long stop-over of my continuing journey through life.
Looking back, my stay in the Netherlands was not bad at all. I was younger then and I embraced all the challenges with courage and enthusiasm. I have a fine family and life has been quite kind to me in the Netherlands. There were challenges to hurdle but they were all bearable so to speak.
I noticed though some changes in the Netherlands.
In 1979, the Dutch Communist Party was still represented in the Parliament. It was my first introduction to liberal and tolerant The Netherlands. I left the Philippines when it was still under Martial Law and it was a welcome breathing spell for me to live in a country where you can mock even the members of the Royal Family without any fear of being persecuted.
When I left our country, our people were experiencing the darkest hours of their democratic life. Opposition to the regime were arrested, detained and some were tortured or murdered. I know some people who were arrested (some were former colleagues) or killed. The Communist Party in the Philippines is still outlawed until today. In my country at that time, singing nationalist songs was banned and already considered as subversive which is enough reason to be reprimanded or to take an unpleasant trip to the detention center. The Dutch Communist Party has long been gone in the Dutch political landscape. It is replaced by conservative politicians mostly one-issue parties such as to banish immigrants and anything related to Islam to the limbo, or protection of animals! The frightening thing is that PVV has a growing public support if we believe the survey of Maurice de Hond!
When I got married in 1980, I automatically received my Dutch nationality on the day of our wedding at the town hall. This immigration law has been changed long time ago. Aside from five years of continuous residence (3 years in the case of marriage or registered partnership and cohabitation), one must also be able to able to read, write, speak and understand Dutch, and sufficiently integrated in the Dutch society are among the requirements to be a naturalized Dutch citizen.
Not speaking the Dutch language was not an issue then, not a political issue, I should say. The local grocer, baker or the milkman did not have problem speaking Dutch-English when I talked to them in English. They said it was nice for them to practice their English. At present, you feel embarrassed and become apologetic when you cannot speak Dutch. Time has changed but I don’t complain. Instead, I tried to make the best of my stay in this country which offered me opportunities and I grabbed every opportunity that crossed my path.
During the first years of my stay, my usual conversation with a stranger usually started with “how’s the weather and followed by where I come from; how I came to the Netherlands.” The weather is cold, warm, or suffocating. I learned to drink cups and cups of coffee. I even learned how to bike, crochet, knit, and sew to please Wim’s grandma. I think I learned them all with flying colors except that I never learned how to cook (Dutch or Filipino food) but it was a a matter of personal choice and I can't blame Wim's Ma and grandma.
Aside from this, I find it still daunting to communicate effectively with the Dutch people. You have to state your case right away opposite to Asian way where we need a long spiels before stating what the core of the message is. “Leila, speak straight to the point!” This is the comment I often heard in the office. I am still grappling with this Dutch way of communicating.
Compare the letters written by a Dutch and a Filipino and you will see right away the difference. Asians find it impolite to immediately open the conversation with what their real intention is. Asians need to place first the context why for instance we need to borrow money or ask a favor. At the end of the intro, that’s the time we state our case. Perhaps, because, we Asians are afraid of rejection so we need to explain first the circumstances before we can tell what we want. But we Asians have no sense of time as well. We can sit down for a long time listening to the person talking to us but the Dutch has very little time for this. Or, perhaps, they just want to spare themselves from the details and so they want to know right away what others want. The Dutch has no problem saying “yes” or “no”. Asians I believe think of the consequences whatever the answer is. But what is an effective communication? To me, when the other person understood what I exactly meant to say is the most effective one; take time or straight to the point, pick your choice, the bottom line is you are being understood exactly what you mean to say.
In my opinion, a heated debate is taboo for Dutch people. This is something perhaps Asians can learn from the Dutch. To be level-headed. Just watch how the parliamentarians conduct their debates. However, because Dutch people are not confrontational, the debates are less animated and perhaps boring for spirited and fiery Asians or Latinos. Meetings can drag on and on. If a topic cannot be resolved in 10 minutes or so, it will be tabled to the next meeting. So decision-making can drag for weeks and weeks and sometimes without reaching a compromised solution to avoid conflict of opinions. Or one just need to keep quiet and pretend that he or she agrees, otherwise taking time to explain and ask questions can be misconstrued of monopolizing discussions. Worst, you don’t understand the issue!
There are good and bad things in life wherever you are. Netherlands has been my home for 30 years, and in retrospect, I had more good times than bad and I am grateful for this. Strange that you only value precious moments, once you realize that you are missing them.
I will live in Hong Kong for a couple of years. Who knows, life for me here is good and kind as well. From the 43rd floor, I have a fantastic view of the Victoria harbor . We live in the second tallest all-residential tower in Hong Kong. I can see clearly the mountains from a distance unlike in Gouda where my view only reached up to the end of my garden. The latter is probably beyond my reach; the former is just a few steps away. Life is just like a dream. Dreams come true when you work for it. It remains an elusive dream when you just let the golden chance slips away from your hands.
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